Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
