My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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