I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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