i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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