would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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