people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you never un-have a 4some
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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