I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
