I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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