My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
