I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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