umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
