her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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