WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
