I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
