Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
