oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
