dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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