Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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