Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
