You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
