How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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