I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
