Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
