i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
