I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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