Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
