You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
