I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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