omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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