if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
