i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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