Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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