he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
