I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
