So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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