Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
