Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
