oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
