Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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