Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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