I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
