i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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