oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
