I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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