Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
