why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
