he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Can you bring me the toilet please
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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