I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
