Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
