I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
