So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need a beard to bite.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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