i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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