I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize