I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
