I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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