Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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