literally had 100 drinks last night.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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