My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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