Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
