Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
