I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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