Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
