When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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