Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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