I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
