yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
