his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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