You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
