three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
