You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?