Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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  (248): apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference http://tfl.nu/k6zm
  Replies (33) Good night (6739) Bad night (1329)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.

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  (732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up. http://tfl.nu/jzsw
  Replies (8) Good night (769) Bad night (3110)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

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  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6795) Bad night (1774)
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  (818): View more from California

  All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on

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  (818): All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on http://tfl.nu/912s
  Replies (10) Good night (3457) Bad night (1461)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.

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  (778): We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's. http://tfl.nu/nlsl
  Replies (12) Good night (2948) Bad night (1070)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.

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  (902): FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/vuiq
  Replies (10) Good night (2953) Bad night (1342)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.

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  (904): I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year. http://tfl.nu/isyi
  Replies (4) Good night (3063) Bad night (1413)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent

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  (856): I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent http://tfl.nu/ara2
  Replies (6) Good night (2612) Bad night (977)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.

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  (+61): There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye. http://tfl.nu/nvha
  Replies (1) Good night (1558) Bad night (1276)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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  (304): Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away?? http://tfl.nu/5x5i
  Replies (4) Good night (1698) Bad night (1188)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function

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  (215): you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function http://tfl.nu/8zfe
  Replies (1) Good night (1483) Bad night (632)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.

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  (202): I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/ocz4
  Replies (17) Good night (968) Bad night (1168)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina

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  (817): Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina http://tfl.nu/3njj
  Replies (5) Good night (407) Bad night (732)
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  (716): View more from New York

  We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club

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  (716): We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club http://tfl.nu/652n
  Replies (4) Good night (467) Bad night (294)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.

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  (770): One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him. http://tfl.nu/gw4o
  Replies (4) Good night (506) Bad night (215)

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