I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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