Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Right on... I dropped my chapstick

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I blacked out

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  (773): Right on... I dropped my chapstick (269): I blacked out http://tfl.nu/qsqj
  Replies (1) Good night (1303) Bad night (642)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

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  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7490) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

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  (206): I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death http://tfl.nu/irfc
  Replies (14) Good night (3712) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

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  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4640) Bad night (1193)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them

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  (708): I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them http://tfl.nu/hbhk
  Replies (8) Good night (4241) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

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  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (12682) Bad night (1653)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet

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  (763): Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet http://tfl.nu/ppas
  Replies (6) Good night (992) Bad night (2391)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl

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  (703): I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl http://tfl.nu/f1pk
  Replies (7) Good night (1260) Bad night (2152)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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  (404): Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!?? http://tfl.nu/bcjv
  Replies (0) Good night (531) Bad night (1555)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.

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  (808): My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever. http://tfl.nu/qc0x
  Replies (6) Good night (1002) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?

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  (814): Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids? http://tfl.nu/tder
  Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.

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  (904): Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one. http://tfl.nu/jh8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1640) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again

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  (415): so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again http://tfl.nu/s0gt
  Replies (7) Good night (767) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)

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  (254): We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :) http://tfl.nu/s9j9
  Replies (8) Good night (726) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"

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  (714): I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix" http://tfl.nu/tav0
  Replies (0) Good night (321) Bad night (429)

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