You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.