Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
