i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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