I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"