I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she looked like the before picture.
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You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it