So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.