I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
