I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
