I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
