Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
