i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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