my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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