I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
