why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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