cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
