pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
