a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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