i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize
