awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
