is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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