3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
