I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
