planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
