The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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